Today’s message covered John 18:3-11. Truly the world Jesus brought is one of peace. Although
Judas brought so many soldiers to arrest Jesus, it only shows how willing Jesus is to walk the path of
cross. He willingly went with the soldiers and that He is blameless. No one lost anything. Not even
the servant whose ear was cut off. To treat Jesus as an enemy is truly wrong. What has He done to
everyone?

The soldiers fell on the ground upon hearing Jesus’ name. This is the spiritual power and authority of
Jesus. Jesus was confident in the face of death. He knows that beyond death, there is God’s promise
is there. He completely overcame death. Death has no hold on Him.

Jesus truly could have fought or ran from the soldiers but He chose to follow them and surrender
Himself to the cross. His courage can only come from God. God’s will be done and not His own. Jesus
may have been beaten and betrayed by the world over and over again. Yet He never let them stop
Him from going towards God and seeking Him first. As humans, we hate to be associated with our
sins. We hate to look weak and if we can, we will push our sins and blame to others. This is so that
we will not look weak. However, Jesus is the true model that we must look at.

For a long time, I self-pitied myself because of things that happened in my family and all. I still
remember there was a time when we were supposed to share about an incident that was impactful
to our own identity. I was quite excited to share maybe because I felt that I can prove to everyone
that I am strong through sharing what I have been through. Hence, for a couple of months, all my
thoughts were focused on how to speak during that sharing session. It was truly foolish honestly
because every single day, that was all I could think about.

My main motivation to share was to garner pity and to affirm my identity as a strong person. Even
when talking to friends and hearing their problems, I was still so caught up in my own pain and past.
I knew how bad this was because there was now no longer space for God, except my own thoughts
and feelings. It was always how I felt. Nothing about God at all. Although people say sharing about
your problems can be cathartic, it became my stumbling block. My intention to share was not to
glorify God but to glorify myself. One day, by God’s grace, He opened my eyes to see this sin clearly
and I confessed my sin.

I wrote a long journal detailing what happened in my past (almost as if simulating sharing to others)
but now, I wanted to pour out my heart to God and confess this is what I feel and think. Help me,
was what I wanted to tell God. And God gave me peace and I finally could let go of that self-pitying
mindset because I surrendered my thoughts to Him. The most ironic thing was the sharing session
never happened due to time constraints and I could not have felt more foolish.
Perhaps my family and my circumstances have led to who I am today. But that is not my identity. My
true identity is in God. I am His child whom He led me out of the darkness in all circumstances I
faced. I am who I am because of His grace in everything that happened to me. All glory is to God for
lifting me out of every situation. He picked me from the darkness.

This article is written by YEF member of her own thoughts and reflections. Please do not reproduce or share without permission.